I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
