After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
