I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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