dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
