I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
