I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
