Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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