Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
