I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
