He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
