you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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