So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Found the puke drawer
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
