Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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