U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
