1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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