just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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