I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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