we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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