I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
