Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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