Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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