so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Let's get the cat blown out
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
