VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
