In the future we'll all be gay
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just puked most of my soul out..
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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