Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I deserve this hangover.
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