Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
