new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
did i just pee glitter
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
