Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
