Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
