you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
