But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sext me about skeletons
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
