Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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