How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
