Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
