I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
