I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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