dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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