I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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