just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
