My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My friends, they love my intelligence
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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