why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
