guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
