i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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