Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
