i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
