I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
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We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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