So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
