this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
