and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
They have beer where we have blood.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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