We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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