My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
