I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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