One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
