Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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