i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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