..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
