piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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