Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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