Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
should my penis look like a turkey
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
