youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
