Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
