jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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