He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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